What Your Drink Says About You

Alcohol is the fuel that most university students survive off, but with so many different types of people and so many forms of alcohol, what does your drink of choice say about you?

Whiskey – You’re tough – at least you want the person standing next to you at the bar to think so. Your air of confidence is more often than not misunderstood for arrogance, since you decided to go from having it on the rocks to neat after having read the newest Charles Bukowski biography.

Vodka – You love to party. And not always when other people do. You’re sometimes a little confused why you’re still keen as a bean to sweat it up on the D-floor while everyone is going to bed at 3am. The five-day workweek is both financial fuel for your weekend ritual, and the soul crushing excuse to escape your boring life. Or you’re Russian, which is reason enough.

Scotch – Unlike other people, you’re not confused about the difference between scotch and whiskey and you feel the need to tell everyone you talk to at the bar what that difference is with a proud look on your face. You like to think your taste in tweed and art is above the plebes that fill your everyday existence, but they all talk about you behind your back in the break room at work.

Beer – With simple tastes, you’re still adventurous enough to try the occasional import but you always make your way back to that domestic brand you love. You consider yourself a man – or woman – of the people, and modesty is one of your highest values. But if you have to ask someone if they think you’re humble, that doesn’t really make you modest now does it?

Rum – As much as you think your impression of Jack Sparrow is on point, more often than not you’re the first one at the party to take the pirate lifestyle a little too far. Mixing it with Coke, you either have simple tastes, or you just want to mask the flavour of alcohol.

Bourbon – As a child, mummy always gave you something sugary for a snack after school and now your sweet tooth now has a mind of its own. You love the taste of cough syrup and can name a few of your favourite brands to have on a hot summers day mixed with soda. If you live in Kentucky then no one can blame you since you’re just going with the crowd, but if you don’t, then you should move there now and be with your own kind.

Gin – The bitter dried up cynic in you loves a chance to spread your wings at the Christmas party. Since you’ve had this bitter taste in your mouth all year from staring at the bald spot of the guy in the cubicle next to you, the moment finally comes where you can speak your mind. But will you say too much and regret it going back to work on Monday? Probably.

Wine – After taking a wine tour last summer on your gap year in Italy, you think you’ve suddenly acquired the classiest palate in your social circle. Although you’ve managed to memorise a few names of different types of wine, ‘Cab’ is the only one you can pronounce properly. You love a good excuse to get drunk at lunch, and feel the need to maintain the buzz until dinner, that’s why you keep it on tap, in a box.


Jake Cupitt